Friday, October 28, 2011

Live Blog-- World Series Game 7

It's exactly what baseball fans have been expecting all season: Game 7 of the World Series between the Boston Red Sox and the Philadelphia Phillies.

A clarification for anyone who is wondering: A bunch of players from the Phillies and Brewers won the All-Star Game, so the Cardinals get to host the far superior Rangers. The game starts at 8, check back then for regular updates, assuming I have a solid internet connection.


Pre-game commercials! It begins.

I'm expecting a good game today, but I wouldn't be surprised if it sucks. I'm going to remain objective in my coverage and in my obvious rooting against the Cardinals.

Joe Buck compares Game 6 to a championship fight. I hope, one day, a championship fight is compared to Game 6.

Tim McCarver: "Something stupid that doesn't make any sense."

By the way, that last quote from McCarver applies for the whole game.

Super lame introduction narrated by Joe Buck. This is making baseball even more lame than it already is.

I read that Josh Hamilton told reporters that God spoke to him before his 10th inning home run. He probably said, "This is going to be really cool for a few minutes but then it will be meaningless."

Chris Carpenter is starting for the Cardinals. He's the dickhead on the mound. Nobody likes him, even his friends.

Ian Kinsler singles to left to lead off the game. Game over.

Ian Kinsler picked off. Game over.

Kinsler just slipped and that's why he was out easily. Seems pretty amateur, considering this is Game 7 of the World Series.

Elvis walked. A UFO is batting next.

Josh Hamilton singles in a run. I wonder how much God had to do with that one.

Ron Washington did his little thing that Fox keeps making fun of him for-- being excited when his team does well.

Hamilton scores, celebrates with ginger ale.

"He fisted it to right field." Times I've giggled at McCarver because I interpreted it as a sex thing: 1

Nolan Ryan approves of the second run of the game.

"He's going on World Series adrenaline with that groin." Times of giggled at Rosenthal because I interpreted it as a sex thing: 1

By the way, I don't think Rosenthal is gay. But apparently some people in the world do.

Albert Pujols makes an adequate scoop at first to end the inning. Was that his last put-out as a Cardinal?

Taco Bell sponsoring this World Series and the lineup. Various chocolate and buffalo wings are sponsoring this live blog.

Matt Harrison, some guy, is starting Game 7 for Nolan Ryan's Rangers.

Oh yeah, don't forget that if the Cardinals win, Mark McGwire gets a ring for teaching Albert Pujols and Lance Berkman how to hit a baseball.

In Italian, Mike Napoli's name translates to Mike Naples.

Buck announces that Kitchen Nightmare has been postponed a day for the game. So has The Serum's live blog of Kitchen Nightmare.

Imagine how much better this game would be if Justin Verlander were playing.

Albert Pujols up to bat. Watch carefully. He believes he should get paid $30 million a year to do what he does here.

He stands.

He stands.

He stands.

He walks.

Will that be his last walk as a Cardinal?

Lance Berkman, the disgustingly bearded co-hero of Game 6, comes up to bat. He has had a great career of not winning the World Series that I would hate to see ruined here.

David Freese, wearing Michael Jordan's number, receives polite applause for his walk-off home run from last night.

He looks like Wayne Gretzky.

Or a young Sean Penn.

Freese was the guy who nearly single-handedly beat the Phillies for much of their series, so I hate him. Also, it should be spelled "Freeze."

Freese doubles, it is now 2-2. This could be a long, high-scoring game. Right now, it's on pace to go on forever and both teams are on pace to score infinity runs.

Yadier Molina's fly ball could by Hamilton, who smiles. He's just happy to be there. I bet God told him to catch it.

That was a GOOGLE commercial?!

In Aramaic, Chris Carpenter's name translates to "Chris Jesus."

Mike Naples singles. This is not a good pitching match-up. Roy Halladay is slitting his wrists right now.

So am I, by the way. St. Louis and Texas, really? Who is an elitist like me supposed to root for? George W. Bush's team? Or Tony La Russa's? Both have committed war crimes, in my opinion.

I hope these teams were ready to bring their A games to Game 7. I also hope the umpires have brought their best out calls. It's all clutch from here on out.

I know he's like a bunch of years older than me, but every time I see Ian Kinsler, I think I used to play lacrosse with him. I'm assuming that everyone, even those who never played lacrosse, get this feeling. He just looks like a guy you played lacrosse with.

Carpenter not pitching well. Crowd not being very objective in their jeers of the umpire.

Just in case, the Cardinals have Kyle Lohse and Edwin Jackson in the bullpen. They are going to lose.

Molina tries to pick off Kinsler again, but this time Pujols failed to catch the ball. Will that be his last error as a Cardinal?

I hope Elvis Andrus gets caught in a rundown and then gets called out for leaving the base path so I can write, "Elvis had left the base path."

Can't stop eating Halloween candy. That reminds me that I have to get my Chase Utley costume ready. I'm just going to grow my jaws out and be a beautiful, beautiful man.

"He doesn't the stature for a big swing. He's a small guy." McCarver sex giggle thing count: 2

Furcal gets a base hit in the World Series, something I will never do, sadly.

Skip Schumaker is up. In German, his name translates to "Skip Shoemaker." He makes his own shoes, that's why he runs so well.

Game 7 dedicated to tornado relief efforts. It's a good thing the series went this long, or else those devastated communities never would have gotten support.

Michael Young with an ugly swing and miss. Sometimes swings and misses are beautiful moments. That was not one.

Strikeout. Mid-westerners cheer.

Announcers now think I care about Hugh Jackman and his Broadway audience.

Albert Pujols holds Beltre on, ready just in case Molina throws to first again. He thinks he should get paid $30 million to do that.

Windows 7 commercial tasteless so soon after Steve Jobs' death.

MLB Network commercial tasteless so soon before the season ends.

I wonder how many Google searches of "Ryan Theriot" are changed to "Ryan The Riot."

Buck talks about baseball being great because you get your heart broken and get to play again. Sounds like loser talk to me.

Allen Craig home run, now it's 3-2 Arizona.

Nelson Cruz climbed the fence a lot to try to catch that home run. If only he had made a significantly easier play last night in the 9th, none of this would be happening right now.

Pujols broken bat ground-out to third. Will that be his last broken bat out as a Cardinal?

I've always wanted to make a jousting joke about Lance Berkman. But Michael Young made a good play and the inning is over, so I lost my chance.

Let's all take this commercial break to take solace in the fact that Nyjer Morgan is not playing in the World Series.

Mike Naples strikes out and sinks into the sea. Oh wait, that's Venice.

That was a boring inning, nothing happened. Classic baseball.

I want to get a chest protector like the umpires wear so that I can look like I have a muscular chest.

Hoping Freese gets caught looking at a tough curveball so I can write "Freese frozen."

Furcal swung really hard and missed. Huge momentum shift. Strike 2.

Now two men are on base for the Cardinals. I wonder if they will try to score a run or two.

Last night's Game 6 comeback and walk-off reminds me of my own epic, bottom of the last inning home run in Wiffle Ball this summer that tied the game 1-1. I cried for a week afterward.

Joe Buck commends the bat boy in the middle of game 7 of the World Series. I hate Joe Buck.

McCarver: "That bat broke in 3 pieces." Good job counting, buddy!

McCarver: "Carpenter has that little stroke to right field." Sex giggles: 3

If I'm Ron Washington right now, I'm standing in the dugout managing this game.

McCarver said Freese was "burned," but they didn't point out the irony of that word choice. Awful commentating.

Carpenter has some serious beard on his neck. Has to be itchy. Curious to see if the itchiness affects him as the game goes on.

It's funny how the batters always freeze for half a second after a pitch to prove they didn't swing.

Freese makes a routine catch and falls down, making it a highlight play.

Someone is rolling down my street blasting Phil Collins as Young strikes out to end the inning.

Is it too much to ask for one last bench-clearing brawl of the season?

Feldman should have spent less time grooming his beard and more time getting ready to not walk that guy.

Huh. Pujols led the MLB in grounding into double plays. Is he the worst player ever?

Pujols hit by pitch. Will that be his last hit by pitch as a Cardinal?

Remember when the Pirates were winning the NL Central in like July?

Rangers are intentionally walking Freese to get to Yadier Molina. Molina should take this as an immense insult.

Scott Feldman: Christopher Guest in disguise?

Molina walks with the bases loaded, Cardinals lead 4-2. I'm beginning to lose faith in baseball as a sport.

C.J. Wilson, the ruggedly handsome Rangers pitcher, hits Furcal on his first pitch. That's some amateur shit.

Inning ends, really bad pitching for Rangers dug their hole deeper. Nolan Ryan is rolling in his grave.

Nice Sherlock Holmes 2 in-game summary.

If the Cardinals win, it'll be a pretty good storyline. But it'll also piss me off. They hired Mark McGwire, for God's sake!

Allen Craig with a pretty dope catch in left. I'm done with this game.

Bottom of the 6th, the doldrums of any game. There has never been an interesting moment in the bottom of the 6th in any World Series game. Look it up.

Top of the 7th coming up now. Can't wait for God Bless America.

Ground-rule double for David Murphy. I think when the ball bounces into the seats, the fielders should have to fight the fans for it, but I guess I could understand why they just give the hitter a double.

Chris Carpenter, who talked his way into pitching into the 7th, just gave up a double, got pulled, and then got a standing ovation.

Arthur Rhodes is well-studied in the ways of the MLB, as he has played for 20 years. You might call him a Baseball Arthur Rhodes Scholar. You probably won't, though.

This is the worst thing about baseball, the use of the bullpen. Tony La Russa is famous for having a pitcher come out to face one person, then bringing someone else in. Maybe he just likes walking on the field? I don't know, but it seems like an unnecessary amount of jogging by the relievers just to toss the ball once or twice.

Molina just got hit in the face pretty hard. It was smart of him to wear a face mask.

Elvis Andrus spikes his bat after his pop out. If I was more familiar with Elvis Presley's songs, I'd make an appropriate pun.

David Nail, guy, singing God Bless America. Doesn't even respect America to take his hand out of his pocket.

What's that huge half of a McDonald's logo in the middle of St. Louis?

Guys, his name is Pujols. Poo-holes. How is this not made fun of more?

Will this be the last time Joe Buck asks if this is Albert Pujols' last at bat as a Cardinal as a Cardinal?

Will that be Albert Pujols' last foul ball as a Cardinal?

And he struck out. What a way to end his Cardinal tenure.

Pretty sure La Russa is wearing a World Series Champion shirt under his jacket.

And the Cardinals score again. There's some weird red rope hanging from the stadium, people are cheering wildly. I guess I'm switching allegiances now.

Nolan Ryan has never had more chins in his life. He doesn't look happy. "I bought the wrong team," he's thinking. "I should've let Mark Cuban have it."

I have to pee. Maybe that will shift the momentum? Time will tell.

Are those annoying graphics behind Buck and McCarver going all the time or only when they are on camera? It kind of explains why they are so annoying.

That was possibly the ugliest and most embarrassing strike-out I have ever seen. Napoli caught it walking away. Rough for Schumaker. Good thing his team is two innings away from winning the World Series, or he might be upset with himself.

Albert Pujols catches foul pop-up. Will that etc?

This game is so over. Another pointless full inning and then Mark McGwire gets a ring.

Lots of Angry Birds hats a Busch Stadium tonight.

Unnecessary and mood-killing injury to the Rangers pitcher. Selfish.

I guess the Cardinals winning the World Series will be a pretty good storyline. But it still rubs me the wrong way.

On the one hand, the Rangers are George Bush's team and all their players seem like dicks. But on the other hand, Tony La Russa and Albert Pujols and Yadier Molina and Mark McGwire and so forth. I am torn. Not that it matters, since the Cardinals obviously are going to win.

Maybe this is when I stop being a baseball fan. That's right, I'm such an East Coast Elitist that the All-Flyover-Country World Series makes me hate the sport.

John Jay, one of our founding fathers, gets the first out of the 9th.

If Nolan Ryan were less of a man, he'd be crying right now.

Crowd chants "Let's go Cards." Cards refuse to go.

Two outs. Joe Buck reminds audience of what they've repeated over and over all game; the Cardinals sucked for the entire season, then the Braves lost a bunch of games in September.

Game over. The pointless season comes to a pointless end as one of the shittiest teams wins the championship.

Is this Albert Pujols' last World Series win as a Cardinal?

Ken Rosenthal completely unimpressed. "What will you remember most about the World Series?" Allen Craig: "The whole thing. All of it."

Well, thanks for following along. I won't be watching the speeches and shit because I don't do that.

Congratulations, once again, to the Boston Red Sox for defeating the Philadelphia Phillies to win the 2011 World Series.

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